Friday, February 17, 2012

Love and Bubbles

This is probably a little "cutesy", and certainly inadequate to describe what I mean, but I want to share some feelings and insights I recently had about love and a bubble is a good way to picture space that is shared together and is easily entered and left. As I lay in bed one morning thinking about my feelings for my husband. I became aware that it felt less like giving and receiving or exchanging and more like occupying the same space and feeling the same love, not just our love, but God's love. I also perceived how I left it at times through fear-fear of my husband's opinions or anything else, doubt in my own worth and value. Really, the minute I entertained thoughts that sought validation I left that space.
 There is a very specific and profound power in there is profound power in couples who love and trust in God. There is space created for love and true acceptance when we let go of the idea and perception of need.  In C.S. Lewis' book, "The Great Divorce" he eludes to this place. A space of exhistence where there is no need because all needs are filled. I believe in this with all my heart. It is the existence provided for us in this life and I believe is the substance of life with God.
 As we allow the baggage to release and accept the light, love and atonement of Christ we are able to experience the pure love and acceptance God offers all of us. It's a miracle that only a few months after I felt despair concerning the marriage relationship I have always wanted I can experience this unity and pure love with my husband. Which reminds me of another principle I have recently learned.
One day as I agonized over not having the marriage I wanted and feeling I never would, I realized that I might be aiming at the wrong vision or dream (whichever words fits for you). I realized that I may be holding so tightly to my own vision that I haven't left room for God's. I have learned that sometimes the worste thing that can happen is for me to get my way. Letting go of my preconceived idea for marriage and opening my mind and heart to God's vision was another part of creating space for this awakening of pure love.
 The words "in-love with my husband" have taken on much sweeter meaning. I no longer think of it as the adolescent-style admiration and butterflies associated with the "way he makes me feel". I think of is like a space or "bubble" that I exhist in with a person whom I have learned to love without need. I think of it as the Christ-like love I get to be filled with and surrounded with when I let go of anger, fear, and self-will.

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