Thursday, May 4, 2017

Glad I Did It, Glad I Didn't

I decided to forgo college while my children we're young and I could go for a low price because of the military agreement for spouses. I opted for second hand things instead of new to maximize my husband's paycheck, so I could be in the home with my kids. I learned how to keep a household of 7 fed on less than 200 dollars a month and still include all necessary components of nutrition while Rob was in flight school- which meant I spent a lot of time prepping food, days in advance. I stayed home from Pampered Chef parties and other home shopping parties to save for a house and still stay home with my kids. I gave up business and career development for a time. I gave up the house I saved for to use the money toward living expenses while Rob was in flight school. I gave up my sleep, my "spare time", my plan in life.

But I didn't really give it up.

I layed it on the altar of God, in sacrifice, and He accepted it and blessed me with the opportunity to stay at home and countless other tender mercies.

When I was a very new mom I saw that not every mom who stayed in the home was the same. Many were physically present, but not emotionally and mentally. I decided that if I was going to be in the home I was going to make it count. I became a dilligent teacher, nurturer, and healer. I wanted being home to count for something. Being in the home and merely babysitting wasn't enough, I could send them to daycare for that. What I wanted and what they needed was a mother.

It was hard because I have plenty of things to distract me. I love reading, watching movies, crafting, building- and have used each of these to escape, leaving my children with little more than a robot for a mom-taking care of the checklist but not sharing my heart with them, which is what they really need most to feel safe and courageous in the world. I worked hard to curb these habits and still do. It was hard to stay engaged because raising my children triggered my own childhood issues, abuses, misunderstandings, etc. The choice to be in Conscious Motherhood forced me to face myself, my beliefs, my responsibilities and overcome them. I could either deal with them and be present with my family, or drug myself with medication, food, good (but not necessary) things, or countless other things. I question myself to ensure that my recreation and other daily activity is not an escape from what is most important and brings me the most fulfillment and joy.

Now that I'm also a mom in business with a calling to help other women recover their lives and themSELVES I put on another hat, but motherhood is the common thread that weaves through all I do, say, think and feel because "mother" was a seed already within me that was germinated through choosing to be a nurturer, one who facilitates growth.

Motherhood is indeed fulfilling when it's more than checking things off a list, when it's about sharing hearts, building dreams, creating life. I am so grateful for this part of me that came alive when I chose to create a family in companionship with God and my husband, this part of me I call "Mom".

Liz King Bradley

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